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Sunday, March 25, 2012


Dear Miss Clairol,

      I just want you to know that your Nice and Easy 118A  medium brown hair color should be called Darker than midnight BLACK.  Thank goodness I looked in the mirror before the suggested time was up and rinsed it out early!  And as long as I'm venting, it was neither nice (fumes took my breath away), nor easy (I now have black (oh excuse me, medium brown) stains on my hand, bathroom wall, and rug.  But the funniest part of this experience was the instruction to "put on the EXPERT COLORIST GLOVES.  Even I, with my rose-colored glasses firmly in place, know that cheap, ambidextrously designed, plastic gloves will not turn me into an expert (thus the stains in my bathroom).  I know that a $4.99 box of do-it-yourself color is not comparable to a $40 coloring job from a real expert.  Really though, if you are going to call them expert gloves, you should at least tint them pink, or print pretty flowers on them, or at least make them more custom fitted. 

Packaging labels, instructions and warnings crack me up.  We all know why McDonald's has a warning on their coffee cups that the contents are hot and can burn you.  They got sued because someone burned themselves and since people are both greedy AND don't want to take responsibility for their own actions; lawsuits abound.

 I would just like to mention a few things that I think need MORE warning on the labels.  Super Glue.  OK, I'm going to reveal something about my character that most of you already know.  I am cheap.  Well, to be politically correct, I'm frugal.  So, occasionally I glue on my own nails.  I do a pretty good job, most people can't tell I didn't pay $40 to have someone (who is very nice, but I can't understand a word they say), do them.  The glue is super glue and the label says that if you glue your fingers together (yes, I have) you should NOT pull them apart (yes, I tried) but should soak them in nail polish remover.  Here's the is one supposed to make it from the kitchen to the bathroom, open the cabinet, get the remover, open the remover, and put it on the glued fingers, while a finger on each hand is glued together?

Here is my suggestion for a label.. WARNING:  Anyone using this product who is the least bit clumsy, should assemble the following items BEFORE opening the glue....Newspaper to protect table, an OPEN bottle of nail polish remover, cotton balls, paper towels for spills, etc.  There should also be a warning that not only can you glue your fingers together, you can end up with fake nails glued to the side of your hand or arm (yes, I have).  The label should also say....Under no circumstances should you attempt to apply these beautiful nails if you are in a hurry, or have an important function, such as a wedding or funeral, to attend.  This is not a good project if you are not good at working under pressure.

I think there should be a warning on sunflower seeds as follows:  This package may contain some ROTTEN seeds.  If you do not like the taste of rotten seeds, you should crack all seeds and inspect them before eating.  If you don't do this, be prepared to eat at least 10 good seeds to remove the taste of the rotten seed.

I would like to see some regulations placed on what can and can't be labeled "easy open" package.  Easy open should not require a knife, scissors, etc.  Resealable package should really mean the package can be closed.

I'll be adding to this list in the future.  Any suggestions? : D

1 comment:

  1. You are so funny. This sound like something Andy Rooney would read on the air. Loved it!
    Your cuz, Ginger